I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
