I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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