a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize