Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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