How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
