Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
