The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
