You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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