My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
