My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
