Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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