I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
