She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
