I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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