Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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