What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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