you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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