Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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