Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
