so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
