My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
