got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
