She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
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