Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
