I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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