That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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