Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
