I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
