Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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