Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
