she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
