we have officially lost it.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
