found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize