After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
