At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
