At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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