Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
