i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
