She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
