life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
