I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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