If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
