Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
