I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
