you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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