Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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