Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
