I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
