Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm going to jail i love you
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
