I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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