He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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