Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
