this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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