I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
