Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
