last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
