I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
