the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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