oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
someone owes me an orgasm
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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