I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
