I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
