Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
