I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
