How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i will never coherently bang her
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
