what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
