Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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