I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
